maandag 14 oktober 2013

Playing the Victim - gets you nowhere

Playing the Victim - gets you nowhere

How many people are there playing the victim role in life? I think there are plenty. If you're one of them, you're headed for trouble.
The old saying goes, "There are many stations in life." It's a way of saying that we're all different and "It takes all kinds."
I believe there are essentially three "top level" roles that you can play in life - the villain, the victor and the victim. The one you play is largely a matter of you making a choice.
The villain is the bad guy. We know too well about them. They are the evil ones, the miscreants, the ones that draw off and use the rest of us as they see fit, regardless of what's right. I've known many of them in my time. They hate themselves and others, and are focused on destruction - usually self destruction.
The victor is the champion, the one who tries to succeed, the one who is the hero in their own life and the lives of others. They are the ones with a focus on what's right, fair and just. They are the inventors, students, teachers, caregivers, entrepreneurs and workers all around us. They play the hand they're dealt.

There are many playing the victim role as well. They are victims of crime, circumstance, heritage, the "system," the economy and birth. They often take the form of a martyr and choose to wallow in their misfortune to gain attention, sympathy and favor of others.
To some extent, many of us play all three roles at some point in our lives. Which role we play is mostly of our choosing, and often we're at least indirectly responsible for adopting that role or allowing ourselves to become that type of person.

The Victim - a dead end street

If you're fond of playing the victim, you're headed nowhere fast. It's a role that requires you to be manipulated at the hands of others. It requires that you take a seat and watch while others perform.
Worse yet, playing the victim means you have a ready-made excuse for failure. It can become a lifetime of negative self talk. Either you can't do it, or someone else did it to you. You'll find that you regularly tell yourself and others:
  • I'll never be able to do that.
  • There just aren't any jobs available.
  • I'm not that talented.
  • I don't think I can do it.
  • I was never taught that. I didn't know.
  • It's not my fault. He was supposed to do that.
  • That's typical of the way my life goes.
  • I got a raw deal again.
  • Some people lead a charmed life.
  • That's just the way it goes.
  • What did I do to deserve this?
  • Shit happens - to me!
It's as if those playing the victim are standing by watching things happen around them, or they're participating in an almost passive way, riding the waves and going with the flow. Their life seems to be more oriented towards chance and circumstances than their ability to make things happen.
The idea of a self directed life will seem foreign to the victims among us. We'll probably stand around waiting for someone to tell us what to do rather than get out there and do it.
Definition of Victim:
Here are some examples of the behavior and thinking of a ‘victim’.
1. A ‘victim’ is someone who believes they have no control of their life
2. A ‘victim’ believes that he/she can do nothing right
3. A ‘victim’ believes that no-one really cares for them
4. A ‘victim’ is always negative
5. A ‘victim’ is waiting for someone to rescue them
6. A ‘victim’ puts pressure on their partner to make everything all-right for them
7. A ‘victim’ opts out of life
8. A ‘victim’ is fearful
9. A ‘victim’ is insecure
10. A ‘victim’ is usually depressed or anxious
11. A ‘victim’ feels under constant threat of something bad happening
12. A ‘victim’ sabotages positive thinking and behavior
13. A ‘victim’ is distrustful
14. A ‘victim’ waits for disasters to occur
15. A ‘victim’ will have emotional problems
16. A ‘victim’ may turn to drugs or alcohol as a means of escape
17. A ‘victim’ will be isolated from friends and family
18. A ‘victim’ will withdraw from real life
A ‘victim’ is a ‘bloodsucker’ draining his/her partner of energy, enthusiasm and drive. The ‘victim’ is negative and/or can’t be bothered to do anything constructive for themselves so they rely on a partner or anyone else to give them what they want at any cost. A victim will surrender control of their life over to their partner in the hope that their partner will make everything all right. Being a ‘victim’ requires hard work on his/her part to stay the same in order to ensure that there is no change to their life. There is and there will not be any progression out of the ‘victim’ state until his/her partner stops doing things for them. A ‘victim’ has taken a long time to become this way and will be extremely reluctant to surrender the role. If you are living with a ‘victim’ or are a ‘victim’ yourself you will know that by opting out of responsibility and accountability you are, in effect, the controller of the relationship, albeit a negative controller.

Change Your Attitude - and change your life

Whether you choose to be a villain, a victor or a victim has much to do with your attitude. Change your attitude and you'll change you life. Just make certain you change your attitude for the better. I believe Henry Ford said it best when he said,
Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right.
That pretty much sums up what's in store for all of us. Imagine that you can, and you'll likely find a way to do it. Continue playing the victim and you'll likely find a way to do that as well.
Yogi Berra tried his best to tell us that attitude was a key factor in success when it came to the game of baseball. He said,
Ninety-five percent of this game is half mental.
All right then. I hope that's clear.
So, step right up and change your attitude. Turn your life around in a different direction, the direction of a can do attitude, the direction of a winner instead of a whiner, the direction of success instead of excuses.
It's your life and your decision. No one can do it for you, and no one should. It's not in their best interest - it's in yours.
I choose to be a victor every time. I'm not a good villain, and I've played the victim several times in my life and it just doesn't cut it.
Stop playing the victim and start playing a role that leads to success, happiness and peace of mind. Start slowly and change a few aspects of your life at a time. There is no need to "eat the elephant" in a single bite

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