In the words of the great C G Jung ” most men are erotically blinded – they commit the unpardonable mistake of confusing Eros with sex. A man thinks he possesses a woman if he has her sexually. He never possesses her less, for to a woman the Eros-relationship is the real and decisive one. For her, marriage is a relationship with sex thrown in as an accompaniment.”
Sex is not the portal to a deep connection with a woman. Deep connective sex is the result of experiencing deep connection with her inner most self.
As a woman sex is a readily available commodity. Like my Aunt once said, whilst staring at my crotch, “you don’t need an education, you are sitting on a goldmine”.
To connect with a woman means to open her more deeply to life and existence. A bonk over the kitchen table does nothing more than scratch an itch, or ease a lustful moment. This could be a necessary part of your relationship but not the act that opens her.
I want to backtrack actually to childhood and the defining and long lasting impression that your mother leaves on you. Some men’s mothers have emasculated their sons, other men have been brought up by the archetype of a victim, perhaps a “prostitute” or a warrior. Either way your relationship with your mother and how she treated you as a man will have left a lasting effect. Deep wounds caused by your mother are now looking to be healed. Sometimes your life may seem a repetition of continually “dating my mother.” Some men date women who are energetically polar opposite to their mums, as they desperately try to escape the hurt. On a fundamental level we do this to heal our primary wounding. If your relating is unconscious you will not be aware of your mother showing up through every woman you date. These are not women you will be able to connect with as a chasm of hurt blocks any intimacy.
So the first step is to first really think and unpack your relationship with your mother. How do you feel when you think of her?
What are some of the hurts that she has caused you?
Do you see a pattern in the type of woman you are dating?
When we scratch the surface of subtle childhood trauma we uncover a host of understanding as to why we attract who we attract and why we may be stuck. This is an invitation to explore your patterns.
If you want to sexually connect with a woman, this begins way before the bedroom. You need to really see her, not your mum or your first love.
Women open to you when they feel safe. We will energetically and unconsciously be aware that when we are unsafe, we can sense your unease and mother issues even if you don’t know you have them.
As the fairer sex our natural feminine inclinations are to gather, nurture, feed, caress, nest, inspire and create beauty. Our feminine essence does not want to hunt, “kill the bull” or do battle. Your woman needs to know you can and will protect, defend and assert yourself for her. You need to be more “Harrison Ford” and less “Michael Jackson.” We swoon when you stride in and take command. When you let us know that you will sit in the fiery pit with us, withstand all of our feminine emotional shifts, insecurities and just stand. Unwavering.
In the bedroom we don’t enjoy nervousness, fidgeting and a general feeling like we are being examined by a first year Med student at the local family planning clinic. If you feel overwhelmed, nervous, unsure don’t fiddle about, talk, open to your vulnerabilities before you dive on down.
We want your full presence, the full force of your masculinity. We crave this for we cannot access this alone. This is the one thing you have that does not come naturally to us. We want to know you treasure and adore us. When we feel taken care of, when we fell like the Queen to your King. We will Open. We want to be RAVISHED open.
And when we open you will feel the full force of Shakti breathing life, purpose and deep inspiration into your being.
This is what it feels like to connect.