vrijdag 4 oktober 2013

Conditional vs Unconditional Relationships - A Sociological Comparison of How Relationships can work.

This chart is
A Sociological Comparison of
How Relationships can work.
Each column is considered a "package deal", in that each relationship usually functions
in terms of most of the characteristics of the 3rd dimensional version or the 4th dimensional version,
rather than a combination of both versions.

3-D 3rd-Dimensional Relationships The way relationships normally work
with us here in our 3rd dimension.
4-D 4th-Dimensional Relationships The way relationships normally work
on the 4th dimension.
SEPARATION Separation is only an illusion.
Separation from the God Source.
Separation from each other.
And separation from aspects of our self.
INTEGRATION +  REINTEGRATION Everything and everyone are really all connected.
Witholding information from my partner & from myself.
With secrecy, my partner never gets to know who I truly am. Keeps me separated from the greater portion of myself.
HONESTY + OPENNESS Total honesty with my partner.
With honesty, my partner gets to know who I truly am. Honesty means being 100% who I truly am.
I do not withold a comment or information just to avoid hurting my partner, or to control the relationship.
I can never really know or predict what will hurt another or how they will react to my honesty.
Therefore, I should stop assuming responsibility for the other person's emotions, growth, & reactions to my honest non-manipulative communications.
FEAR-BASED MONOGAMY Through my monogamous relationship, I am "separated" from the vulnerability of having to deal with any other relationships.
Therefore, I feel "safe" (separate and safe).
-by-choice or
Polygamy-by-choice or
There is no inherent "right" or "wrong" to any type of relationship: They are all inherently neutral. Any type of relationship is "okay". If I choose monogamy, this does not mean that I expect or need my partner to also choose monogamy.
CONDITIONAL LOVE I will love you, only so long as you fulfill my needs and expectations. I will withdraw my love, if you do not satisfy me. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Even if you don't fulfill my needs and expectations,
I will still love you. I love you for who you are without trying to change you.
COMMITTMENT I need committment, in order to avoid my fear of having to deal with other relationships. Committment is a 3rd-dimensional illusion. Committment never insures my security. Committment only makes me think or feel that I am secure. BEING IN THE PRESENT Committment would take me out of the present. I stay in the present, and I do not need a committment, because I trust that the future will take care of itself.
EXPECTATION I want, expect, and try to get my partner to fulfill my expectations and needs. I use my partner to satisfy my needs. NO EXPECTATIONS
I trust and have no expectations from my partner.
I enjoy my partner, but without expectations.
MANIPULATION I use obvious or hidden manipulation so that my needs will be met, and so that I can remain protected from my own fears.    I only see my partner as who I need them to be, not who they really are. ALLOWINGNESS
I allow my partner to be who they need to be. Only then can I see who they truly are.
THE NEED TO CONTROL I do not trust that everything that occurs is for my highest good. Therefore, I need to control and shape the relationship, so that it will take the form I wish it to be. I feel like I "own" my partner.
ABSOLUTE TRUST I trust that everything that occurs is for my highest good. Therefore, I have no desire or need to control my partner.
RELATIONSHIP takes Precedence

PERSONAL GROWTH takes Precedence

DEPENDENCY I depend on and need someone
outside of myself in order to be happy.
SELF-SUFFICIENCY I recognize that I, and only I, am the creator of my own reality. Therefore, only I, am the generator of my own Happiness.
A PERSON CAN NOT FULLY LOVE MORE THAN ONE PERSON. 3-D emphasizes Duality. If my partner begins to also love another person, that means he/she will have
less love for me.
(This is an illusion.)
4-D emphasizes Multiplicity.
No matter how many other people my partner loves, this does not diminish at all, in any way, how much love he/she has for me. No matter how many other people I love, this does not diminish at all, in any way, how much love I have for my partner.
My partner spending
LESS TIME with me
is not good.
My partner spending
LESS TIME with me
is fine.
If I truly love myself unconditionally, then the time spent with myself is equal in value to the time spent with my partner.
I love myself as much as I love my partner. Therefore, the time I spend alone is just as enjoyable as the time spent with my partner. Therefore, it's okay if I spend less time with my partner.
PAIN There is always pain when I function from
the 3-D relationships "mind-set".
There is never any pain, only happiness, pleasure, and ecstacy, when I function from
the 4-D relationships "mind-set".
creates PAIN & LOSS.
does not create PAIN & LOSS.

In realizing that this relationship is no longer serving us, we choose to harmoniously end it. We recognize that the relationship is going in different directions, and so we allow it to end, without any hard feelings. Only with love.
Loneliness, like separation, is a 3-D illusion.

Even if my partner is far away (in space),
or even if
I haven't seen my partner for a long time (in time),
I still feel very connected to them. Whereas separation is an illusion, being actually connected-together is the reality.
(Externalized anger)
I am angry at my partner for not meeting my needs!
(Internalized anger
I am angry at myself for creating a reality that I do not prefer.
"Hurters" & "Victims"
I sometimes hurt others.
I am sometimes hurt by the comments or actions of others.
"Hurters" & "Victims" is an illusion.
There is no victimhood, since each one creates their own reality.
I create my own reality, and this even includes other people's reactions to my actions. I can never be hurt by another person. I can never hurt another person. Only I am responsible for my reactions to other people's comments or actions.
My partner is seeking to have their needs met externally by me, but a person's needs
can never really be met by anyone else,
so they are bound to eventually get angry
at me, for not fulfilling their needs.
what I would like to GIVE to
I am pure in my intention in my relationship.
I am 100% who I truly am with my partner.
I am responsible for what, in my integrity,
I would like to give to our relationship.


Five Reasons Why Monogamy Is An Absolute Bar to World Peace

Why World Peace Will Never Happen As Long As We Cling to Monogamy

Monogamy World Peace
Before you read this article, if you are already angry reading the title — Five Reasons Why Monogamy Is An Absolute Bar to World Peace — let me make a few suggestions. There is little point in reading this article unless you can accept that the world we see is an illusion. The world we see is a hologram. Every part contains the whole. The world you see is a function of your belief system. And your belief system not only affects you — it radiates out and affects the entire planet. These premises are self-evident to anyone who has actually stepped back from ego consciousness and observed the consequences of their own thoughts. The world is not the cause of your thoughts. It is the effect of your thoughts. If you cannot accept these premises at this stage of your evolution in consciousness, whatever outrage you may feel reading this article is meaningless. If you choose to comment on this article, I expect you to go beyond your knee-jerk ego reactions to it and be open to the possibility that everything you ever believed about the world is false. I suggest that you read the book A Course in Miracles so that you will have the necessary background information to understand this article.
Please also understand in this article that I am attempting to condense the entire 1000-page book A Course in Miracles with about five and a half years of studying and applying the lessons of that book. So if something I say does not appear to make any sense to you, consider that it may take a deeper exploration of what I am saying for it to make sense. In fact, I think for now I will just write a bare outline of this article, and then fill in more details as people ask questions. I assure you that it does make perfect sense, it’s just a matter of explaining it clearly.
With all that said … let’s proceed …

Five Reasons Why Monogamy Is An Absolute Bar to World Peace

Let’s establish something very important here at the outset. If you focus on monogamy as a practice in isolation, you will miss the entire meaning of this article. When I say that monogamy is killing people worldwide, you are not going to understand this if you think to yourself “but I know monogamous couples and none of them are killing their neighbors.” You are looking in the wrong place. We need to shift our focus to the BELIEF SYSTEM that drives monogamy. That is where the killing occurs. And you may not see the effects immediately or in the same vicinity. Except in those situations where monogamy OBVIOUSLY kills people, such as the jealous lover who commits a murder-suicide, you are going to need to look a lot deeper if you want to see the truth. You must be tuned in to the hologram to see the destruction that is being wrought by this belief system. Behavior follows beliefs. You can only desire monogamy if you buy into this belief system that I am about to discuss in further detail. Without this belief system, you would reject monogamy outright because you would not want to imprison yourself in this way.
So let’s talk about the BELIEF SYSTEM that drives monogamy. Behavior is secondary. The choices people make all arise out of their belief systems. Only when we look at the beliefs can we really understand what is happening.

Reason #1: Monogamy Is Not Based In Love. It Is Based In Hatred.

Monogamy is based on the core belief that salvation can be found in separation and exclusion. That it is somehow better to make love “exclusive” than have love be fully inclusive. Before we delve more deeply, let’s be honest about where else we have seen this same belief in world history: Racial segregation, Apartheid, the Berlin Wall, the Nazi Concentration Camps. These are just a few examples. In other words, monogamy is based on the same belief that drove some of the ugliest practices that this planet has ever seen. If you are truly honest, you will have to admit that segregation, apartheid, the Berlin Wall, and Nazi concentration camps were all based on the same premise as monogamy. Separation and exclusion. The idea that you can somehow be “safer” and “happier” by separating yourself from others instead of joining them fully. If you resist this fact, you are not being honest with yourself. Please read A Course in Miracles. Your anger and reactive-ness is lying to you.
And so it is. If you get someone to be really honest about why they are being monogamous, if you can get them to go beyond the superficial claims about “love” and “simplicity” and “security,” they will finally tell you the truth. They are “choosing” monogamy based on all kinds of ego-consciousness separation beliefs, including fear of aging, fear of dying alone, fear of sickness (whether from aging or STDs), judgments of their brothers and sisters, and on and on. Just the other day, on my Facebook, a man justified himself by saying “There are a lot of dirty people out there.” Right. That’s the ugly truth about monogamy. It’s based on the fact that we hate our brothers and sisters. And so we seek “safety” with one brother or sister whom our ego has deemed somehow “better” or “more right” than the rest of “them.” And this seems to work for a while. But in truth it doesn’t work at all. In truth, when you choose this “safety,” you are choosing death. Because you have chosen to separate yourself from the Source of All Life, which can be experienced only in Oneness.

Reason #2: Monogamy Is Territorial, Which Leads to War

The belief system that gives rise to monogamy is the same belief system that led countries to erect borders, which leads to war. It is the belief that anything “physical” can be hoarded and kept separate from the rest of your brothers and sisters. In this case, hoarding a body for yourself. Which sounds utterly ridiculous if you really think about it. It is akin to saying you will never let a guest in your home because “it’s MINE.” It is akin to saying you will never share a meal with friends because meals must be SPECIAL and must be reserved for ONLY ONE PERSON. It’s akin to granting monopolies in business and running every other business in that arena into the ground. In your “personal” life, you would never buy into this baloney in any arena other than sex. You would not agree to visit only one restaurant for all eternity. You would not agree to purchase from only one merchant for all eternity. That alone ought to tell you that something is amiss.
Monogamy is body identification because you cannot value it unless you have turned a body into an idol. Body identification also leads to war, as people so often “fight” over what they perceive as a limited physical resource.
Sometimes the fact that monogamy leads to war is obvious, like when the man in the bar starts a brawl because some other man hit on his girlfriend. Or when a husband turns his wife against another member of their extended family, and family members end up battling it out or not talking to each other at all for decades. Or in the story of Helen of Troy. Most of the time, though, its effects are buried much deeper, and you’ve got to be able to see holistically to be able to see them.

Reason #3: Monogamy Is Based On the Same Belief System that Causes Sickness

Sickness is not physically caused. The body can only be sick if the mind is sick. And the mind that is separated is sick. The separation-consciousness belief system that drives monogamy is the same belief system that causes sickness and death, because sickness and death result only from separation from Oneness.

Reason #4: Monogamy Is Poverty Consciousness

Monogamy is also based on the same belief system that perpetuates poverty, because poverty is based on the false idea that abundance is a physical thing that can be “fenced off” and kept for a privileged few. Instead of seeing a world of abundance where everything can be freely shared and exchanged, the monogamous person sees a world of scarcity where the physical thing must be hoarded.

Reason #5: Monogamy Is An “Exclusive” Club

Monogamy is the idea that it’s in any way fair to your brothers and sisters to establish an exclusive club and turn everyone else away because of who they are. Have you EVER seen an “exclusive” club that does not foster resentment and hatred? Have you ever seen an “exclusive” club that didn’t make some people feel “good” at the expense of other people feeling “bad” and excluded? I have not. Exclusion arises out of hatred and perpetuates hatred.
Monogamy is the core of the core of ego consciousness, and until it is given up, the world’s problems will not be solved. So far, this is just a sketch of an article to begin to explain something I have been thinking about for a number of years. I am happy to field respectful questions and add the answers to the article so that it can be a more satisfying explanation. Thank you for reading.


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