A child's degree of understanding should never be underestimated. Sexual education can begin at a very early age. Sexuality is best introduced to the child as part of a loving and truthful family relationship.
Nakedness within the home should not be discouraged and the child's body awareness should be cultivated. If parents express a lack of inhibition and guilt about nakedness and sexuality, their attitude will be reflected by the child.
Secrecy and stories concocted to shield the child from the truths of sexuality will only confuse the child and lead to guilt and neurosis.
Children see through hypocrisy and are sensitive to, and affected by, the guilt feelings of others. A child should learn to view the body as a Temple of Love, a shrine to be shared only with those who are trusted and loved.
Children can readily learn all the basic Tantric practices outlined in Part 1 of this book—the creative attitude, self-examination, Hatha Yoga, breathing, food awareness, diet, hygiene, bathing, Dream Yoga, massage, meditation, visualization, and so on—and this can constitute the basic grounding of their sex education.
Example and shared participation in these activities are by far the best teaching method. Feelings of sexuality are an integral part of the experience of growing up, and should be explored in an atmosphere of openness, rather than viewed as a hidden or unmentionable experience. In this way the
sudden traumas often associated with "revealing the facts of life" can be avoided. These "facts" should form the basis of what will be, for the child, a gradual familiarization with the full spectrum of love.
Children should be made familiar with depictions of sexual and sensual love, so that they develop a positive and healthy attitude to the images of love. Children have an innate sense of the truth; the best teaching method is direct and sensitive, incorporating sex education into the child's initiation into the greater mysteries of life.
Intimacy should pervade the family atmosphere.
Encourage mutual bathing and massage, as well as shared participation in Yoga, dance, music, song, and household chores. "Sharing" is one of the most important factors for healthful intimacy in the family. Everyone has a selfish streak, and it is important to evolve out of selfishness and into a deep
and compassionate awareness of the needs of others. Any situation that creates jealousies between children should be confronted early on, through a family "sharing" of all facets of the problem. This is the test of real love and is the ground for a healthful approach to sexuality.
Boys and girls are essentially very different; they should therefore be treated differently.
A boy is interested primarily in the logic of life and looks for answers to every kind of question. Sex is a fascinating topic, even at an early age. Therefore logical and direct answers should be given to questions pertaining to sexuality.
A boy should be taught sexual hygiene, how to wash his Lingam properly, and also the importance of keeping the anus clean. He should be told about erections, so he doesn't feel guilty when they manifest. A boychild represents a dominant Yang-force, the Solar Power, the Heavens, the aggressive and expansive qualities of consciousness. All these have to be refined and developed by right
upbringing and education.
A girl is interested especially in the emotions of life and desires to intuit answers to life's questions. If parents recognize this basic difference in the approach to learning in males and females, there will be a discernible change in the child's attitude to education.
A girl-child represents a dominant Yin-force, the Earth, the submissive
and contractive qualities of consciousness. A girl tends to experience the world largely through sensory impressions. For a girl, the best introduction to sexuality is through refinement in the arts. A girl should be told to expect menstruation and be familiarized with her mother's menstrual procedures. She should be prepared, so that she can look forward to the time when she "becomes a
woman." Though there are male and female sides to each individual, sexuality springs from the
dominance of one or the other gender. Thus, an enlightened approach to sex education pre-supposes that the inherent psychophysical differences between the sexes are made use of. One of the most recurrent findings of psychology is that there is an inherent difference in the abilities of the two sexes. Boys naturally build towers while girls build enclosures; boys are better at spatial thinking, numbers and logical problems, whereas girls generally learn to read earlier, speak earlier, and are better at perceiving emotions. Boys are generally more successful than girls in solving problems that require manipulation, have better daylight vision, and are able to withstand greater extremes of heat than girls, who usually have better night vision, are able to tolerate greater extremes of cold, and can
process information more rapidly.
Children should be taught firmly and generously.
It is quite common for a child to try to "gain ascendancy" over one or the other parent in an attempt to monopolize the family environment. All children respect authority if it is consistent and direct. Discipline in the home is important to all aspects of education, including sex education. Children
should not be given unlimited access to everything all at once, just as in Tantra the mystery teachings are reserved for those who are adequately prepared. It is the duty of parents to prepare their children for the world, rather than use them as vehicles for their own self-indulgence. Too often we see children mirroring parental neuroses with a naive innocence that often leads to deep-seated emotional
problems later in life. Most of these problems are rooted in a lack of correct sex education, either through the bad example of parents or through a breakdown of family communication.
In most families, it is inevitable that children will overhear or see their parents making love. Though the mystery and magic of sexual union should be reserved as something to look forward to, as something sacred and special, children should not be kept unaware of the actual mechanics of sex. Rather than being left completely in the dark about "how mommy and daddy do it," or pushed into
voyeurism to satisfy their natural curiosity, children should be gradually introduced to the realities of love-making. A door can be deliberately kept open, the child can be asked to light incense and bring flowers and refreshments while parents are expressing intimacy.
There need not be blatant exposure, but rather a subtle sharing of the atmosphere of sexuality, so that the child naturally becomes aware of "what it's all about." It is completely natural for a mother to bring her baby into bed with her and her husband, even to nurse a child while making love. Likewise,
children should be invited into the bedroom when a couple are in intimate embrace, since the atmosphere of love can only be healthful. By entering the magic circle of love, children can receive a deep initiation into sexuality.
Since ancient times illustrated sex manuals have played an important role in Oriental cultures. We have endeavored to make this book both an education into the nature of sexuality and an initiation into the real meaning of the creative function. Love-making is the most natural of all activities, and one in which shame has no part. The whole history of sexual neurosis in the West is rooted in the repression of sexuality and inadequate sex education. With the right approach to sexuality, life will become a more meaningful and joyous experience, the alchemy of ecstasy itself.
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